The Clean Up

I'm losing her.
She doesn't know it yet herself.
But it's there, plain for all to see.
Life's been replaced with love, that's been replaced with death.

I'm losing her
And there's nothing I can do about it.
She was mine, but for a brief spell where she confounded me with her charm and her wit.
Her heart and her mind; her laughter and her love

I'm losing her.
I used to be her darling, her song.
Her waking breath and her nightly prayer;
Her working day and her sleepless night.

I'm losing her
To one who was always there.
In whose arms she'll run to forever more
While I embrace the cold shackles of the remnants of my past.

I'm losing her.
She was the one. She still is. And she always will be.
And though she's chosen him in her mind, her heart will always be mine.
To serve and to keep. To worship with solitude and meekness. To love unconditionally until the end of time.

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Love Lockdown

she's in control
she knows it
she's got me hooked
reeled in and hung out to dry
she's got me reeling
back to the time when I was high

what could've never happened
just did
and it's more than I can take
cuz i've been dreaming about you
in a way I've never dreamed before
and it's got me feeling blue

just when I think I'm not giving in easy
you arrive
perfume, hair, eyes, and those big, beautiful lips
I'm on my knees obsessing about this
picturing the perfect moment
for us to have our first kiss

it's an old feeling
in a new shell
I've dreamed of this moment for so long
and now you've filled in the haze
what once was a kindling flame
is now a roaring blaze

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Meant to live

we crossed the line a million miles ago
into territory that neither of us have been before
brand new, yet familiar all at the same time
we're wild and free, and yet you're mine

the world burns around us, and still
your eyes are all that i can see
bright with hope and dreams,
and focus... but only some of that for me

love songs and cheesy lines
could never truly capture
just how perfect this place is
though we head towards disaster

we've crossed the line, yes
but there's no path ahead in sight
there's nothing to do now, but jump off the edge
and pray our wings take flight

for beyond this cliff, i know
there's a place that's made just for us
in a world that's ours to rule over
no hate, no anger, no solitude, no fuss

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The Lost Boy

this time, i'm gonna be stronger. no, not giving in.

She's hesitant. She waits for me to make the first move, knowing that any kind of reciprocation on her part would only turn her against herself. Against the very principles she so graciously embodied yet so easily managed to turn against. I move in.

well, it's time to start the show. lost my heart and lost my soul.

He moves in. I pull away, but I don't turn away. I draw him closer, his sleepy eyes — drunk on the scent of the cologne I only wear when he's around — never moves away from my lips. His eyes, wrinkling up in the heat of the noon... they don't remind me of my husband. not at all.

waste my time which makes things worse. lost in mine, my love is cursed.

She hates herself. Why else would she want this with me? We're both just lost in the wonderland of lust. She says she wants me. The thought of being with me repulses her. But she says she wants me. She needs me. I'm lost. But i'm focused. I kiss her.

time to make these things feel right. let's start this show for one last time.

He tastes... different. It's new. It's not my husband. But I want it. I've wanted this since the start, when we began to talk about all the things I never spoken about with anyone else, when our eyes met for the first time and all I could think about was how I wanted those drowsy eyes following only me for the rest of their lives. I take off my clothes and those eyes watch me with lust... love?

now it's the time that you won't know. lost my mind and lost my goal.

This went too far. I knew it the second I had asked her to come over. I knew all along, as I caressed and cradled and kissed every inch of her perfect body. As I kissed her sweet lips. As I looked into her eyes and made love to her. (Love?) If this is love, I have nothing else to live for. If this is love, I have nothing else. She's mine, now. That's all that matters.

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In the dead of the night

there's a light at the end of the tunnel
but the darkness around has consumed me
become one with me
turned me into a child of the night
embracing the emptiness and the cold
for they are my companions
and have been so for millenia
as the lights around me all disappeared
and the blackness of night took over
there wasn't much I could do
but let it all in and stay put
right here in this place that I now can't seem to let go
inside the depths of despair is where I thrive
along with death and disrepair
killing time by counting to infinity
the time since what I once had left me
what could have been, what will never be
so bright and shiny
so dark and grimy
something had to be done
and I did, not letting go of potentiality
tracks that once began with
hope and dreams now faded into oblivion
that were once everything I stood for
and that I now know nothing of
except a lingering memory
that I used to once be, for you
a light at the end of the tunnel