i can't.

When the walls come down

she's walking around the room
but her eyes are on you
watching your every hesitant move
as you inch closer, she's running towards you

you realise there's nothing left
that could come in the way of this
nothing to stop this burning train
that's hurtling towards a death drop

she whispers your name
and it's everything you've wanted
you say you'll love her 'til the end
forgetting that you're only dreaming

and it's only a matter of time
before you realise that she's gone
just another wisp of smoke
that filled up your diseased lungs

never real, never yours
and the only thing that's left
that's there to keep you company
is guilt, shame and misery

Pixabay

Poison Rain

there's no way in hell you can't feel this
feel the way I fell for you
feel the way that you turned me into
this mess of a being with no one to
guide me through this crowded room
that's full of people just waiting to
pounce and grab on anything that moves
devour the very life that makes you, you
hoping and begging, it makes them

just as mesmerising
just as hypnotising
just as petrifying
as you make me feel
that no one else will ever be

for never will they know
just how perfectly you fit into me
into my deepest, darkest chasms
how I fill you up
with nothing but ecstasy

so take me in
let me be
the way we were meant to exist
as one

Pixabay

With or without you

let's just stay here
and never leave this place
where we don't have to worry
about the things we do
when we're not here
when it's not just us
when it's not just you and me

here, where the chaos of the ocean
feel more like home
than the riveted streets of filth
where we were born

here, where the lights don't exist
yet it's still brighter than the sun
and where the beautiful sound of silence
is louder than a 77,000 piece orchestra set

you and me, we've written
words of prose and words of poetry
pages filled with joy, sorrow, and everything in between
and still not enough to capture what we had, what we are
and what we could be

here, in this moment
in this place
is where we will die
and this is where we will live

Pexels

When you let your imagination run wild

forget this world
forget the past
forget the pain
that will always last

it's just another day
for the world to see
how the devil's moving
inside of me

tearing, seething,
gnarling through
to break the surface
and block my view of you

the only light
that I've ever seen
that's brightened my nights
and knows where I've been

the darkeness returns
but you dispel it away
and for those few seconds
I'm myself, wanting me to stay

that's what you do
but that's what will never be
for the sun will set
and you will leave me

for who could live
with the beast that's hidden deep?
who could make me
someone you'd want to keep?

I will search
and I will find
but until then
you'll only exist within my mind

Pixabay

R U Mine?

There's so much left to tell you,
But words could never describe this feeling
of heaven when I'm around you
And my head is still reeling

from the fact that I'm standing next to you
Holding your hand in mine
Telling you that you're my world
And if you let me, I'll never ever shine

for another, because you're all I'll ever want
And for that I'll be
eternally in the debt of the gods
that brought this — you and me

There's so much left to tell you —
Even the things that could leave you seething;
Even the things that could end
everything about us that keeps me breathing

Being with you will be the end of us
And fathoming that never fails to bring me down
But there you come again, even if for just a few seconds
Stealing my heart, my breath and little bit of my soul... because you're mine, for now

The Clean Up

I'm losing her.
She doesn't know it yet herself.
But it's there, plain for all to see.
Life's been replaced with love, that's been replaced with death.

I'm losing her
And there's nothing I can do about it.
She was mine, but for a brief spell where she confounded me with her charm and her wit.
Her heart and her mind; her laughter and her love

I'm losing her.
I used to be her darling, her song.
Her waking breath and her nightly prayer;
Her working day and her sleepless night.

I'm losing her
To one who was always there.
In whose arms she'll run to forever more
While I embrace the cold shackles of the remnants of my past.

I'm losing her.
She was the one. She still is. And she always will be.
And though she's chosen him in her mind, her heart will always be mine.
To serve and to keep. To worship with solitude and meekness. To love unconditionally until the end of time.

Instagram

Love Lockdown

she's in control
she knows it
she's got me hooked
reeled in and hung out to dry
she's got me reeling
back to the time when I was high

what could've never happened
just did
and it's more than I can take
cuz i've been dreaming about you
in a way I've never dreamed before
and it's got me feeling blue

just when I think I'm not giving in easy
you arrive
perfume, hair, eyes, and those big, beautiful lips
I'm on my knees obsessing about this
picturing the perfect moment
for us to have our first kiss

it's an old feeling
in a new shell
I've dreamed of this moment for so long
and now you've filled in the haze
what once was a kindling flame
is now a roaring blaze

Pixabay

Meant to live

we crossed the line a million miles ago
into territory that neither of us have been before
brand new, yet familiar all at the same time
we're wild and free, and yet you're mine

the world burns around us, and still
your eyes are all that i can see
bright with hope and dreams,
and focus... but only some of that for me

love songs and cheesy lines
could never truly capture
just how perfect this place is
though we head towards disaster

we've crossed the line, yes
but there's no path ahead in sight
there's nothing to do now, but jump off the edge
and pray our wings take flight

for beyond this cliff, i know
there's a place that's made just for us
in a world that's ours to rule over
no hate, no anger, no solitude, no fuss

Pixabay

The Lost Boy

this time, i'm gonna be stronger. no, not giving in.

She's hesitant. She waits for me to make the first move, knowing that any kind of reciprocation on her part would only turn her against herself. Against the very principles she so graciously embodied yet so easily managed to turn against. I move in.

well, it's time to start the show. lost my heart and lost my soul.

He moves in. I pull away, but I don't turn away. I draw him closer, his sleepy eyes — drunk on the scent of the cologne I only wear when he's around — never moves away from my lips. His eyes, wrinkling up in the heat of the noon... they don't remind me of my husband. not at all.

waste my time which makes things worse. lost in mine, my love is cursed.

She hates herself. Why else would she want this with me? We're both just lost in the wonderland of lust. She says she wants me. The thought of being with me repulses her. But she says she wants me. She needs me. I'm lost. But i'm focused. I kiss her.

time to make these things feel right. let's start this show for one last time.

He tastes... different. It's new. It's not my husband. But I want it. I've wanted this since the start, when we began to talk about all the things I never spoken about with anyone else, when our eyes met for the first time and all I could think about was how I wanted those drowsy eyes following only me for the rest of their lives. I take off my clothes and those eyes watch me with lust... love?

now it's the time that you won't know. lost my mind and lost my goal.

This went too far. I knew it the second I had asked her to come over. I knew all along, as I caressed and cradled and kissed every inch of her perfect body. As I kissed her sweet lips. As I looked into her eyes and made love to her. (Love?) If this is love, I have nothing else to live for. If this is love, I have nothing else. She's mine, now. That's all that matters.

Pixabay

In the dead of the night

there's a light at the end of the tunnel
but the darkness around has consumed me
become one with me
turned me into a child of the night
embracing the emptiness and the cold
for they are my companions
and have been so for millenia
as the lights around me all disappeared
and the blackness of night took over
there wasn't much I could do
but let it all in and stay put
right here in this place that I now can't seem to let go
inside the depths of despair is where I thrive
along with death and disrepair
killing time by counting to infinity
the time since what I once had left me
what could have been, what will never be
so bright and shiny
so dark and grimy
something had to be done
and I did, not letting go of potentiality
tracks that once began with
hope and dreams now faded into oblivion
that were once everything I stood for
and that I now know nothing of
except a lingering memory
that I used to once be, for you
a light at the end of the tunnel

Learn to fly

i've been around, yes
gone up high, crashed and burned down low
it was foolish to think that my heart
couldn't be broken any more

too long have i been a slave
to the feeling of guilt
for all the dreams we shared
for all the castles we built

it was perfect, you were there
for me when i needed you
and i was always around
even when it was too good to be true

i could've never resisted,
you were a heaven sent sign
to give it everything i had; and now
i'm holding on too tight to what was never mine

ages will pass before we heal
she will be in another's arms, happy but yearning
for the day she's back in my arms,
her heart no longer in mourning

maybe then we'll know how,
maybe then we'll know why
maybe then we'll start to accept
that we were destined to take the leap... that we were destined to fly