Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Wholeheartedly Heartbroken?

Its times like these, you give and give again.

Why did it end? Why did I even let myself get into it? Who’s to blame? Am I that unlikeable? Was it someone else? What’s wrong with me? I’m going to end up alone.

Sound familiar? Don’t worry I’m not reading into your minds or your personal diaries. These are the EXACT same thoughts that run across EVERYONE’s heads when they’ve just broken up with someone. And yes, everyone has also been crying into their pillows, been sitting alone staring into space, sometimes with thoughts of picking up that 5” inch blade on their desk that’s sharp enough to cut through more than just paper.

I know, it sucks when you think that you’ve given your absolute everything to someone you’ve spent the most amazing few months, maybe even years with. You’ve shared your every tear drop, every smile, every little fact about yourself, every thought, every word. Every last emotion with that person you thought you’d spend the rest the rest of your life with. All because you thought you two would end up sitting on a beach somewhere, all old and wrinkly, yet still holding hands, digging your toes into the sand, looking into each other’s eyes and still be able to kiss each other and honestly say, “I love you”.

Well that dream totally went out the window didn’t it? And now you’re sitting in your room all alone, listening to mushy songs, teary eyed and thinking about that blade.

But think for a second. Did you really give it your all? Really? Absolutely EVERYTHING?

No I’m not accusing any of you of being a bad partner. I know you made sure your “better-half-at-the-time” happy enough. But deep down, you knew that there was always something missing. Something just wasn’t right. Something telling you, “Hey, are you SURE you wanna do that just yet?” You didn’t know what it was, and it was so tiny you even chose to ignore it.

Truth is, when you’re in a wrong relationship you consciously don’t know it. No one does. No one seems to looks past the perfect lives they picture themselves living with that person. And when it ends, you can’t seem to let go of that image you pictured.

But now, think about your break up this way: what if you DIDN’T really give it your all? What if somewhere, deep down inside you, you didn’t really let the other in ‘cause you knew it was not going to end the way you wanted it to? Maybe while you were taking down walls and letting that person in, you were also relocating some personal emotion, feeling or thought process that you knew they’d never understand? A tiny bit of your heart that you want just for yourself.

I say, that love is when you meet someone whom you trust completely and you let in, and who helps you discover where exactly you’ve been hiding that one bit of your heart. Giving your heart away completely to someone doesn’t involve a “reclaim policy”. You know that you’re truly in love with your partner when you’re ready to give it all to them. The whole deal.

Heartbreak really is warfare, in the words of John Mayer. Whether you’re waging it with your ex or yourself, we all do it. The secret to completely letting someone go isn’t something I can tell you. You need to experience it yourself to understand it. And when you do, it’s the most liberating experience in the world. Most liberating, that is, until the day you actually do fall in love.