The Fire, It Cracks

My last blog here was pretty short and pretty bleak.

Maybe it was a bad day or a series of bad days, I’m not sure, but it did help to put down the mess of thoughts in my head into words and try to make sense of it. I’m trying to do that now too, but it just seems a bit more messy and trying to order them into a series of coherent sentences is a lot harder. So I’m just going to describe things around me for now, and hope it helps iron out the wrinkles on my brain.

I’m sitting at a coffee shop in Jubilee Hills. It has these cool little nooks on its balcony with shelf-like tables that overlook a pretty noisy, traffic-filled road below but still has a nice vibe if you focus on the little things — the view of a lake in the distance and the high-rises behind it beginning to light up as the sun sets further beyond; the soft, acoustic covers playing over the speakers that’s loud enough to enjoy but soft enough to overhear tables nearby talking about their plans for the weekend; the comforting smell of someone wearing oud a few tables away.

There's one thing I just spotted that’s bothering me, though. A building that’s under construction on the other side of the road. It looks like it’s a few weeks away from being done: windows and doors are done as is its first coat of primer. It looks like another villa-turned-coffee shop, and perched on its terrace sit out area are two flags: the Indian national flag and another one that’s saffron in colour; a double pennon flag with an image on it.

I’ve seen the latter quite a lot in the past few weeks, as has the rest of the country, with their numbers increasing in the days leading up to January 22, 2024. On top of buildings, rows of them over temples and across streets; giant ones on autos, cars and motorbikes.

What’s bothering me, though, is the fact that the saffron one on the building across is perched ever so slightly higher — just high enough for it to be “an accident”, but visibly higher, nonetheless — than the Indian flag.

Song recommendation of the season:

Blogstreet's Blog, Blogright!

I’ve tried writing something here at least a dozen times, but there’s never really been anything to write about. My plans of reinventing this blog as a peek into the exciting life and times of Chris Isaac is turning out to be as unexciting as my life itself.

I guess that’s not all true. It’s not like nothing has happened in the year or so since I’ve last blogged. I switched jobs (again) and moved cities (again). I sold my car (again) and bought a new one (again). I moved out of my amazing Cooke Town house and into a newer, more expensive one that’s not as nice (thanks, Inflated Hyderabad Real Estate Market🖕).

It’s not a boring life at all.

So why does it still feel empty?

It’s like a recurring dream I used to have — I’ve revved up a motorcycle and launched off a ramp with a clearly defined destination in sight. But instead of touching down on the intended target, I’m still up in the air, trying to propel myself forward by frantically paddling my legs like a dumbass, even though I know it’s not helping.

It’s like I’m still trying to find myself, at the age of 34. Maybe it’s not that old in the grand scheme of things, but I’m worried I might just run out of space on the landing strip by the time I do.

Oh well, might as well enjoy the view while I’m up here. Could someone throw me a few air sickness pills, though?

New car. Still haven't named her. Coming soon.

Song recommendation of the... I guess we're up to 'year' now? 

Bloghole Sun

Why do I even bother?

This was supposed to be a weekly exercise, which turned into a monthly exercise, which turned into a bimonthly exercise, which turned into a seasonal thing, and now it’s pretty much half-yearly. 

About once a month, I order in sushi and wash it down with a few glasses of white wine. That, and Community -- *chef's kiss* 

One could reason I’ve been a bit caught up with different things. Since my last post, I’ve been on a trip to Mumbai, quit my job, went on a holiday to the Nilgiris, started work at a new job, visited Hyderabad for my best friend’s wedding, traveled to Jaipur for work, and then just been on a crescendo of campaigns at work that peaked last week with my company’s annual startup+tech summit. 

One could, but one won’t.

Pretty sure I could’ve squeezed in a post or two at the very least, even if it was about most mundane things let alone the bigger events I just mentioned (I still haven’t bought my friend a wedding gift yet — sorry Priyanka, it’s going to be a wedding+housewarming+birthday+Christmas gift in December now).

But since I’m finally writing about something, I’d like it to be about things I’m grateful for — something I was surprised to find I've actually started to enjoy doing: my work. It’s been a big leap from journalism to marketing campaigns and events, social media, video scripts, social media, and so much more. Took me a while to get the hang of it, but I think I’m getting pretty good at it.

I’m also grateful to have a bunch of colleagues I have grown to respect, have fun with, and be proud to work alongside. Of course, there are a few I want to strangle at times, but doesn’t that happen at every job anyway? Also, “grown to respect and have fun with” is pretty accurate considering it took me three months to really start talking to them and four months to actually start hanging out with. Then again, when have I ever made small talk or started conversations with anyone?

To the six people who read my blog — I can’t promise you it won’t be another six months before my next post, and I can’t promise you it will be good because clearly this one just plain sucks, and I definitely can’t promise you it will even happen. But what I can promise you is: I’m trying.

Song suggestion of the week month season year:

Easter Feaster

It’s that time of the year, peeps. Again. 

Nostalgia for home and how things were growing up always comes around twice a year in the Isaac household (being extremely generous with the term ‘household’ when it’s just me) — Christmas and Easter. 

Easter purchase of the year

I usually make it home in time for Christmas every year but I haven’t been able to do that with the Easter season. Maybe it’s because it comes around too close to Christmas, or I’m just too lazy to plan another trip home but I’ve spent the last three Easters away from family. The first year I didn’t really have a choice (thanks COVID). The second year, was a bit of a choice — it was just before the second wave when things were just about to go to shit and I decided to cancel my trip home just to be on the safe side (thanks again, COVID). 

This year, however, it was completely my choice to stay in Bangalore. I could’ve gone to Mumbai to be with the sister and her family just before my nephew’s First Holy Communion (I’m literally flying there THE DAY AFTER EASTER). Or I could’ve gone to Hyderabad to spend Easter with my parents and then flown out to Mumbai with them. 

But nooo, Independent Christopher had to go and make an adult choice to spend Easter NOT surrounded by a loving family that only wants the best for him. 🙃

But anyway, what’s done is done and here we are — it’s Easter and all I can do is behave like an adult and do the adult thing and host a party for a small group of close friends right? RIGHT? 

Haha, just kidding — I’mma spend the day eating beef burgers and chugging beer like it’s… Easter. AFTER I’ve attended mass where I’m singing in the choir of course, like the good boy I am. 

I’ll end this blog here, mainly because there’s nothing much else to report for now but hopefully there’ll be more to write about in a month (fingers crossed). And yeah, I know I haven’t been writing as much as I said I would but hey, it’s my blog and I’ll do what I want with it.

Happy Easter, y’all. 🍻

Song suggestion of the week month season: 

Blogsta's Paradise

What it do homiessss.

I’ve been rewatching The Wire again and yeah it still is the greatest television series period ever period full-stop period actual period. You can tell when I’ve been watching The Wire because for a few hours after I usually talk in “gangsta”. My building cat Meow (I know) can testify to this because when you’re working the graveyard shift and you only step out of the house to throw the garbage in the middle of the night, the building cat is the only other living being you meet in person. 

I also downloaded Bumble and Hinge in January and I’m proud to report I’ve gone on a grand total of 0 (zero) dates in person so far. Yep, that’s right — I’m just as useless at socialising online as I am in person. 

But I think part of that problem is that I just don’t seem to have the patience to go through the whole process of getting to know the other and meet on dates and talk and blah blah blah. I just want to sit at home with someone and binge watch Euphoria and order in and cuddle and maybe go grocery shopping or make unnecessary decor purchases for our house and maybe get a dog together and also just walk around the neighbourhood and make travel plans that actually pan out (yeah, of course I wasted that week-long holiday last month lol, what did you expect from this lazy fuck?) and also have someone to talk to other than the building cat — I love Meow, but I need someone to also tell me to stfu in English sometimes.

Speaking of sad, pathetic things — it’s also nearly the third anniversary of my forced exit from the only place I’ve ever felt at home. I can never fully explain how terrifying it felt to have to give up everything and move out of a country, or about the night terrors I had for months after. There are some hardships you can look back on and think you learned something from it and almost be glad it happened — this was not one of those times. If there was ANYTHING I could do to go back and find some way to stay back, or find a different way out, I would do it in a heartbeat. And that’s all I have to say about that.

Bee tee dubs, I went to the Lulu store in Bangalore and nearly cried when I saw the KHUBZ AND CROISSANTS AND CAKES AND AND BARBICAN AND THE GIGANTIC BUTCHERY THAT I NEVER BUY MEAT FROM BUT IT JUST LOOKED SO NICE AND THE READY-TO-EAT HOT FOODS PLACE WITH MALABAR FOOD AND THE SALES DUDES IN WHITE SHIRTS AND NAVY BLUE PANTS AND THE LULU TIES. Okay, who am I kidding — of course I actually cried.

Also, I know I was supposed to be doing these blogs like once a week but… I guess once a month is better than nothing, right?

Song recommendation of the week month: